Saturday, April 23, 2016


Tonight I experienced an awakening moment, where a lot of things came together in blinding realization.

In the Book of Mormon we read about those who experienced the baptism of fire.  They knew it not, because it happened so gradually upon them.  My ah-ha moment came in considering the nature of the covenant of baptism (or rebaptism), and wondering to what degree my soul has been baptized.

When we are baptized, we make a visual expression of our acceptance of Jesus, our commitment to him, and our desire to have our sins cleansed and remitted.

Following (re)baptisms in the Book of Mormon (3 Nephi 11), immediately Jesus teaches the saints how to participate in the emblems of his body and blood.  With all of this there is to be no disagreement nor contention.  In the prayer we illustrate to God that we seek and commit to eat and drink these emblems to "always remember him".  Always is a big deal.  It sounds to me like a pretty serious commitment, especially if it's a COVENANT.  

As I drove home tonight a song came on the radio that is quite an immoral song.  While I try not to be too judgmental, this song glorifies rape and defilation of chastity.  I listened to the catchy tune, the swinging and volleying of pitch.  I remembered seeing a favorite comedian of mine sing this same song with his entertaining band.  Then I remembered an awards show where the band (not the comedian, but the original group) was included in raunchy demonstrations before the crowd, which I can only assume the participants were deluded, drugged, or possessed to do with their bodies what they were doing publicly.  As my mind started getting disgusted that I'm still listening to this song, almost as if he read my mind, my son turned the channel.  Thank you Jesus.

Why did this song turn me off?  Over the last year I hardly have ever been able to listen to it.  In fact, I can hardly listen to any pop music any longer, for many, many months.  Why?

My ah-ha was realizing I have been reborn.  I have been cleansed by the blood of the Lamb.  I have been redeemed, and can no longer tolerate drooping in sin.  The degradation of women, the glorification of sex, drugs, and defiling of anything that is good is no longer tolerable, even for a few moments.

Not that I want or seek to judge those who do.  And not that I did anything of my own merit or righteousness.  But my spirit, my body, and everything pertaining to it has been changed, that it can't withstand these things before feeling like a dog turning to its vomit.  It is repulsive.  Intolerable.  Insufferable.

There is no more tolerance for my personal willful, or blind participation in sin.  I have committed to always remember Him, and choose out of the nonsense.  I can't just zone out and ignore it like I used to.

For this reason I have not been able to peacefully attend church while honoring my conscience.  I have been incapable of acting like I am ok with settling for the doctrine to be defiled.  It's not that I don't want to see my friends, or associate with those I love.  It's that I cannot do it in that venue.  It would be breaking the covenant and I can't do it anymore, despite missing those loved ones.  Only should the Lord direct could I begin again to do so.

Further, I have not been able to pretend that the small things don't matter.  They do.  Where much is given much is required.  Many are called but few are chosen.  How does one be chosen?

So what to do now?  I wait upon the Lord for further light and knowledge.  I hope that by abiding this commitment He will bestow upon me, my family, and those who are wondering what in the world I am doing, great blessings.

Like Inigo Montoya says in The Princess Bride, "I am waiting for you Vizzini!"  "I am waiting for you Jesus!"  Only Vizzini was dead by then, and Jesus is risen, so I can have much more confidence than Inigo had.  


  1. Love how you included the Princess Bride into your post :) I have noticed the same thing with me. Things of the world/Babylon have lost their appeal to me. I hunger and seek after righteous and feast on the Words of Christ and love to ponder the things of Eternity.

    1. My husband watched that movie twice in the last week. :) It's been awhile since I'd seen it! lol! It's funny, Sally, after writing this, how strong the temptation was to rescind the words, especially where Church is concerned. It was like I acknowledged the rebirth, and now temptations and weaknesses have kicked up a giant notch. Was I reborn? Am I willing to give up these things that repulsed me? Or will they lull me back into carnal security with all the comforts that go along with being accepted and welcomed? It takes digging deep to withstand the emotions that have come since publishing this.

  2. The void will long to be filled. Even if it is filled with those things you once desired to discard because of faults traditions etc. Begin immediately replacing the void of church and its rituals with other things testifying of Christ. I have found a great resource for kids to be a careful selection of things on YouTube. Go to Todd White or Beautiful Outlaw, there are even some preachers who do a very good job of helping to apply Christ and his gospel in our every day lives. My daughter (12) has really enjoyed Beautiful Outlaw. They are not too long, have some pictures and we have even gone to the scriptures to read the whole story and study.

    1. Melonie thank you for these suggestions. I had heard of Todd White but never Beautiful Outlaw. The other day we checked out a few of his videos and really enjoyed them! Thank you for sharing your thoughts.


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